Better to Have Loved and Lost

"Better to Have Loved and Lost" is the eighth episode of the first season of Mind Your Language. It was first broadcast on the 17th of February 1978.

Plot
Mr. Brown asks his students what they did for the weekend. Anna tells a sad story about what happened when she was dating a man named Kurt back in Germany.

Su-Lee and Ali tell Mr. Brown they're going to get married in the morning. Then Ali's wife shows up in Miss Courtney's office. She sends her to the tearoom while Mr. Brown brings Ali to the office. A Muslim man is allowed to have multiple wives, and he wants to marry Su-Lee because he and his wife have been trying for a baby for 4 years with no luck. Mr. Brown tells Ali that he can't marry Su-Lee because it's against the law to have more than one wife, while Su-Lee gets cold feet and the wedding doesn't happen after all. Mr. Brown informs the class that the celebration is cancelled, but Ali announces that his wife is going to have a child, so they go to the pub to celebrate anyway.

Quotes
Mr. Brown: What about you, Anna? Did you spend the weekend with your boyfriend?

Anna: Nein, I have no boyfriend.

Mr. Brown: Oh, that's a pity. Everyone should have a boyfriend.

Ranjeet: I have no boyfriend.

(Giovanni comforts him.)

Mr. Brown: I was referring to the girls.

Anna: I once had a bed experience with a boy.

Mr. Brown: A bed experience?

Anna: Ja.

Mr. Brown: You mean he tried to get you into bed?

Anna: Nein, not bed sleep, bed, opposite of good.

Mr. Brown: Oh, bad.

Anna: Ja, bed.

Mr. Brown: And what happened?

Anna: I cannot tell you. It voz too awful.

Taro: Japanese philosopher say: "Confession very good for soul."

Max: Yeah! Tell us what happened.

Mr. Brown: Well, you don't have to if you don't want to.

Anna: Maybe it is better I get it off my breast.

Mr. Brown: Chest.

Anna: Ja. It voz dreadful. I still blush when I am sinking of it.

Mr. Brown: Yes, well perhaps you'd better not tell us then.

Max: She must!

Ranjeet: Most definitely, I am all earholes.

Anna: It voz about 5 years ago when I was going out with this boy Kurt, I was young and innocent. One night we had been to ze beer garden und we had been drinking a lot of schnapps. Afterwards I am inviting him to my apartment for coffee.

Danielle: Ooh la la!

Taro: Japanese philosopher also say: "Man goes to lady's apartment for a drink-o but usually end up having nibble."

Mr. Brown: Well, I think we'll leave your Japanese philosopher out of it if you don't mind, Taro. Go on, Anna.

Anna: Well, we sat together on ze bed und he was stroking my ends.

Mr. Brown: Which end?

(She puts up her right hand.)

Anna: Zis end.

Mr. Brown: Oh, your hand. Ah I see.

Ranjeet: Oh dear, I am thinking I am too young to be hearing any more.

Mr. Brown: Well, you can leave the room if you wish to, Ranjeet.

Ranjeet: Oh no, I stay. It is good to be knowing the ways of the world.

Danielle: What happened next Anna?

Anna: Kurt vos kissing me on my neck.

Danielle: Sacre bleu!

Anna: Zhen he vos kissing me on my shoulder zen he vos kissing me all over ze place.

Danielle: Go on.

Anna: I vos feeling all romantisch. Zen mit all the trink zat I had drunk und ze warmth of his body by mine on ze bed I did something I have always been ashamed of.

Mr. Brown: Well what did you do?

Anna: I fell asleep.

Miss Courtney: Well, the school is holding a draw next weekend, and I am selling tickets for it.

Ranjeet: Excuse me. This draw you're selling tickets for...

Miss Courtney: Yes?

Ranjeet: What sort of draw is it? Is it from the dressing table, or what?

Mr. Brown: You're a practising Catholic then?

Giovanni: I no practice, I'm-a perfect. In Italy when I was a little boy I was gonna be a priest.

Mr. Brown: Really? What made you change your mind?

Giovanni: It's like-a this; one day the priest he give a big sermon in-a church all about women, girls and the pleasures of the flesh. And the more he spoke the more I realised what I would be missing.

Mr. Brown: Well, what about a toast then? Eh?

Giovanni: Uh, we have no toast, only biscuits.

Mr. Brown: No no no no no, I mean a toast for Ali and Su-Lee.

Giovanni: We have no toast for them either.

Mr. Brown: I have just met your wife.

Ali: Oh, jolly good!

Mr. Brown: And I must say, it came as rather a shock.

Ali: 'Scuse, please? She is not all that bad-looking.

Mr. Brown: No no no, Ali, you don't understand; you are a married man.

Ali: Oh, yes.

Mr. Brown: Well then, how can you possibly be thinking of marrying Su-Lee tomorrow?

Ali: Why not?

Mr. Brown: It's bigamy!

Ali: Oh, no. It is big of me.