What a Tangled Web

"What a Tangled Web" is the eighth and final episode of the third season of Mind Your Language. It was first broadcast on the 15th of December 1979.

Plot
The Lower Cambridge exams are in a few weeks so Miss Courtney wants to check on the class' progress. Ali says to Mr. Brown that his wife is acting differently lately and he is worried. He gets Mr. Brown to help him but when Mr. Brown tries to talk to her she hurries off so Mr. Brown follows her. She goes to Ranjeet's house so they assume that she is cheating on Ali with Ranjeet. The next day Ali's wife goes to the school and Mr. Brown tells her in code not to cheat but she gets the wrong idea. In the tearoom she tells Gladys that Ali is having an affair. Mr. Brown then confronts Ranjeet who wants him to keep it a secret, it's a surprise party. That night Ali's wife throws a cake at him but Mr. Brown says that there's been a misunderstanding so then she wants to throw a cake at him but Ali goes to do it instead. Mr. Brown ducks, so Ranjeet gets hit instead and then a food fight breaks out.

Quotes
Mr. Brown: Giovanni, the correct word to describe a relative by marriage is "in-law", as in "brother-in-law", and not, as you put, "outlaw".

Giovanni: It's-a same thing!

Mr. Brown: It is not the same thing! An outlaw is a bandit.

Giovanni: Well, so is my brother-in-law!

(Miss Courtney asks the class what a circumflex is. Mr. Brown writes a note while her back is turned and drops it in front of Ali.)

Ali: Yes please!

Miss Courtney: Good! What is it?

Ali: (Reads the note.) "No milk today."

Miss Courtney: I beg your pardon?

Ali: (Reads the back of the note.) So sorry. "Circumflex is a accent mark."

Miss Courtney: I am a foreigner...

Anna: Nein. You are English.

Miss Courtney: Let us imagine that I am a foreigner...

Jamila: Please, Miss Courtney. What kind of foreigner are you being?

Miss Courtney: Does it matter?

Jamila: Oh, yes! How can we be imagine when we are not know what to be imagine?

Miss Courtney: Oh, very well. I am Russian. And if anyone says "Where am I rushin' to?" I shall scream. Now, Miss Schmidt.

Anna: Ja.

Miss Courtney: I approach you in the street and I say "Please, will you tell me the time?" What is your reply?

Anna: Time you bought yourself a vatch.

Miss Courtney: Mr. Singh. Where is Sydney?

Ranjeet: Outside, cleaning the corridor.

Ali: You see my wife, Rehana...she is becoming another person.

Mr. Brown: Oh, dear. Have you tried hormones?

Ali: What are you meaning?

Mr. Brown: Well, I don't know much about these sex changes.

(Sid tells Miss Courtney he's wearing a black tie to mourn his wedding anniversary.)

Miss Courtney: You're a real male chauvinist pig.

Sid: Pardon?

Miss Courtney: Pig.

Sid: Oh, you've met the wife, have you?

(Mr. Brown confronts Ranjeet, thinking Rehana is having an affair with him.)

Ranjeet: Why should I be apologising to Ali?

Mr. Brown: For your behaviour! After all, she is his wife.

Ranjeet: I am knowing that. That is why we are keeping it secret from him.

Mr. Brown: You ought to be ashamed of yourself.

Ranjeet: Oh, no. I am very pleased to be doing it.

Mr. Brown: Yeah, I bet you are.

Ranjeet: I am sure, if she's asking you to do the same, you'd be most happy to oblige.

Ranjeet: Tonight, he'll be knowing everything.

Mr. Brown: Are you going to tell him?

Ranjeet: No. He'll be seeing for himself.

Mr. Brown: Good lord!

Ranjeet: It will be a big surprise!

(Mr. Brown gives the class a census from the education authority.)

Juan: Hey. I have problem.

Mr. Brown: Juan, how can you have a problem? You haven't even looked at your form yet.

Juan: No pen.

Mr. Brown: The correct answer to "Sex?" is not "At least once a week". You should put "Male" or "Female".

Juan: Hey. No sex with male. Only female.

Trivia

 * This is the last episode in which Ali, Su-Lee, Danielle, Jamila, Max, Taro, Gladys and Sid appear.
 * Some of the statements made in this episode contradict the timeline established in earlier episodes.
 * While talking to Miss Courtney, Sid says that he got married 28 years ago. In "How's Your Father", he tells Mr. Brown that he and Lil aren't married.
 * While talking to Rehana, Mr. Brown says that she and Ali have been married for almost two years. In "Better to Have Loved and Lost", Ali tells Mr. Brown that he and Rehana have been trying to have a baby for four years. (This would not be a contradiction if they started trying to conceive before they got married, but the common Pakistani attitude toward fornication makes this unlikely.)